Question of the day: Where the EFF are the Olsen Twins?

Published February 27, 2013 by jaclynswartz
Photo courtesy of BeachMint

Photo courtesy of BeachMint

So, I have been thinking. Where the hell are the Olsen twins? I mean I feel really decrepit that if someone were to ask me, so what’s the deal with the Olsen twins these days…?? I would have NO idea what to say. I don’t know who they are dating, what they are working on, if they are going to be in any movies, where in the world they are or what they’ve been wearing. All I know is that their sister was in a whacked out movie called Martha Martha Martha or some shit, and Ashley broke up with the dude from Hangover (Justin Bartha) sometime in the last year.

WHO AM I?! WHAT’S HAPPENED TO ME?! I have let myself go.

So, in the interest of ALL OF US…here are some updates:

February 18: Ashley Olsen shopping in NYC @ Bergdorf’s then coffee and pup walking in the West Village. Where was I?! Mary Kate also spotted a couple days earlier in NYC by her hotel.

Mary Kate has a boyfriend and hes old and creepy looking with two children. UMMM who is Olivier Sarkozy and why is Mary Kate dating him? well…

– He’s 42

– Divorced with 2 kids

– managing director of the Carlyle Group’s global financial services division

– Half brother to the former French Prez Nicolas Sarkozy

– They’ve been dating for liiike…10 months (I’m so embarrassed for not knowing this)

– Apparently he proposed with a $350k ring, and she said no…but kept the ring? She’s probz richer than he is so it makes no sense.

And here are the love birds:

Courtesy of Us Weekly

Photo courtesy of Us Weekly

– Ashley Olsen was at the Vanity fair party this weekend and she was wearing some Victor & Rolf dress/cape/thingymabob. She still looked amaze. Apparently she was smoking cigs on the terrace. As if that’s news.

– According to some reports, they renounced acting in 2012 and are only going to be doing behind the scenes shit now, because let’s be honest…they are rich as fuck and have the best sour smirk faces in the world and can do whatever the hell they want. I mean, they take the shittiest things and make them cool. Like Mary Kate with anorexia.

– In addition if you don’t own anything from Elizabeth & James yet, get on that. Their clothes are bohemian chic and worth it. The Row is still out of my price range, but a girl can dream.

– According to WWD, the twins just announced in late January that they will be releasing a bag and small leather goods line from Elizabeth & James, with “affordable” prices ranging from $125-$625. No doubt these will fly off the shelf like hot cakes.

– I googled the eff out of Ashley to see who she was dating and I got nothing for ya. ALTHOUGH, there were rumors of her secretly dating Johnny Depp. That would be MAYJ.

– For years I have been going back and forth over who my fave twin was…but I gotta go Ashley on this. I think Mary Kate’s weirdo phase freaked me out when I wasn’t wise enough to understand that being anorexic and dirty and wearing big furs was a “thing.”

Let me know who your fave twin is and WHY? Maybe I can be persuaded.

Til then, I’ll be singing “Brotherrrr for saaaaaaaale….Only 5 cents!” because now I cant get that Olsen jingle the eff out of my head.




14 comments on “Question of the day: Where the EFF are the Olsen Twins?

  • Definitely agree with you, Ashley is definitely my favorite. And I as I sit here watching Full House I am honestly wondering what the eff happened to them! Every time I read your posts, I laugh out loud! Thanks for the laughs! Xoxo

  • This is perfect. I saw that UsWeekly article of Mary Kate and creepy old man and that picture where he was kissing her head like she was one of his children. SICK. You forgot that they also have StyleMint and sometimes do videos for the website which is awesome because you get to see them trying so hard not to be awkward. Obsessed.

    • Their stylemint is amazing, I didn’t know they had one, Sami! I knew about Kate Bosworths jewelry one but it honestly was too annoying for me to navigate through. Confession…the question “Who do you dress to impress” I chose “WOMEN” – I think I need to reevaluate my life choices.

  • Really enjoy your blog, always gets me laughing! but thanks a lot for getting that song stuck in my head! I totally had all their cassette tapes as a child.

  • Ha this topic was amazing. I loooove the twins and still have all their awesome movies like holiday in the sun, that one sleepover one they have, love it takes two, and so many others. Mary-Kate was always my favorite growing up. I could relate to her more and Ashley always annoyed me. There tv show was also amazing- cant remember the name.
    — I’m grossed out with that 42 year old guy Mary-Kate is with, I’m in the same boat I’m not sure i still agree with my younger selfs decision on my favorite. But glad you updated me on their lives– love them even if they do date weird creepy men and wear questionable outfits.

  • Ashley has always been my favorite and how can you not be OBSESSED with the movie Our Lips Are Sealed…. they clearly were not till they got to Austrailia Mate! but either way. Classic movie. oohh how I love reminiscing about the good ol days of MK&A movies with my sister.

    Side note, I also loved Billboard Dad!

  • I am obsessed with them. Mary-Kate is my favorite because her style is so perfect and I feel like our personalities are more alike. Ashley is flawless too though. I grew up watching them on Full House and I find their creativity and success so inspiring. My favs.

  • I was obsessed with the Olsens growing up!! Legit have every movie they did, every book they put out and even some of their barbie dolls (lol I was prob 15 or so when the barbs came out, what was I thinking)… their tv show was called So Little Time. Mary Kate was always my fav growing up, but I’m with you, her freakydeaky stage totally threw me for a loop. I actually googled the hell outta them a few agos and was pre sad when I didn’t come up with much… thanks for this!! Can’t get enough of your blog :)

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